Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
