my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
