I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
