If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
