I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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