4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
