Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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