Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
