this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She needs sedatives and a leash
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My orgasm happened in two different decades
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
