I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
