i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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