if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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