New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
