pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
sex in a hospital.. check
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
