what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
