you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
