my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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