he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
