I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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