he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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