I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
