dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
