you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
