The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
