so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
third nipple confirmed
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
