yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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