Betty ford says i'm here all night
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
