Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
she woke up with a sticky ear
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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