In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
