Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
