i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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