he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
