Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
