I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
