Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
