it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
