Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
