I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize