Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
