Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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