He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
