you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize