God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
