if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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