Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
