after a month anything with tits is on the radar
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
