xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
