I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
