I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
