we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
