Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
