So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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