The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
