I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
