The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i think my cat just said my name.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
