Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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