Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
