Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
