You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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