I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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