You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
