M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
it's like iHOP with fire
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize