we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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