i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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