I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
where are my eyebrows?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
