His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
