Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
