My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that š I went with "no"
I feel kind of like weāre in a gang and tonight is one of those āpeople are gonna know not to fuck with usā type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. Iām not really sure how I got to this point in my lifeā¦ but I like it.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
