I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
