How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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