dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Redeem this text for a blowjob
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
