I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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