Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
