My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
the day after is always just damage control
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
