Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
