I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
