my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
