I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
